The Bad 'S' Word: What Would You Do Without 'Should'?

Have you ever gotten so fed up with yourself, you've thought, "Gah! Living in a hole would be better than doing what I'm doing right now"?

I can't be the only one. Right?....... 


[one timid person raises their hand. and then another, and another...]

OK, phew. Thank you for showing up honest with this one. 

I don't mean to speak for you, but I can bet in some way, you have experienced that dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach when we felt like there was no way out of a situation- the one that forces us on our face and admit that we have not been paying attention. 

"Huh? Paying attention to what, Lacey? I'm doing what I should be doing. Isn't that good enough, damn?"

The answer is no! HELL NO! 

"should" can die. R.I.P.

"Should" is not for your life, warrior. It will get you steamrolled, bulldozed, burned, and left for dead quicker than you can say "Hot Cross Buns". The word is a dreamkiller, life-sucker, a ball pit with a one-eyed monster, lurking and waiting to eat you alive. 

So stop using it. Give yourself the space to explore what it is you want without the s-word being a factor. 

Ask yourself, "I am eliminating 'should' from my lexicon all together, AND what do I want?". 

What is it? What do you want? How can you carve out spaces in your life to make it happen? What resources are accessible and how can you get creative to obtain ones you don't have but you know will be beneficial to your success. 

I'm not only referring to professional endeavors either. Too quickly, we hand over our power because life is forever evolving and we remain in places, relationships, cycles of trauma, and self-sabotage far longer than we ever intended (oh, do I have my share of this...and you will have to wait for the second book to read those stories). Next thing we know, it's been a decade, and external circumstances have "improved". Maybe success has come in the form of a great job offer or an incredible life partner. Yet we may find that we aren't any more fulfilled with who we are as a person. That is heartbreaking, and your gifts, talents, emotional well being, and over badassery matter more than you give yourself the space to acknowledge. 

What "should"s are keeping you shut off? How can you recognize what they are, and how do you shift that false narrative and belief system from you wanting to live in a hole to thriving and living your best life? 

I'll share some things I've done to help keep me centered through some of the harshest storms. But for now, I want you to write and reflect. Read this post again and either highlight or write down the questions that are posed above. Then sit with your answers for 10 minutes. Notice what it feels like in your body when you read what is it is that keeps you feeling stuck with no options. For me, it's like someone sat on my chest- heavy, feeling of panic, and desperation to get the f*** away from everything and everyone. Yeah, its not cute. 

Practice sitting with yourself when you complete your writing, and recognize what comes up for you. It's a small way to check in and be able to not only say " I should be over this issue by now", but recognize where that feelings lives in your body. 

What you want deserves some attention, so allow yourself that time WITHOUT GUILT (.....that's a whole other blog post, yo).

And if you want some guidance and conversation to help break some of this down, contact me  here. No, I am not a therapist nor do I have any desire to be yours. However the conflict you're holding IS something I am more than happy to strategize with you. 

Be gently with yourself. 

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she's merlot

she's merlot. 
pause and savor the fullness of all she embodies: 
shades of night. 
a gentleness of a spring rain.
the vigor of a lion's den.

she glows through life, illuminating all that she touches. 
and when she needs soothing, when the storm rages longer than she believes she can withstand, 

she gives herself a hug. she holds on. 

and she trusts the sweetness of her intuition to bloom through it. 
like the perfect grapevine. she's merlot.


Today Was The Day

How quickly things change. 

Today was schedule to be my book release date. But life...

Instead, today has become another day I wonder what the past three months have become and how I will be able to truly understand the upheaval as time moves on. 

Today is one where I say "yes" to my professional journey of becoming an ADA accessibility attorney that leans more so towards the design side of the field than law, however, both are essential to helping people. 

Today, I'm heartbroken but hopeful. 

Today, there isn't a cloud in the sky and I am healthy, in one piece.

Today, I am at peace knowing my intentions and heart are pure. 

And I may not have it all figured out, but one thing is for certain: I will live with integrity, honesty, and passion for those I love, my values, and the things I care about. 

Maybe it wasn't time to publish. I now have three more months of experience and lessons to draw on that will hopefully bring healing and hope to another soul. 

So stay tuned...

Endless grace, 


Book Binding Love!

So this whole "writing a book" adventure really kicks my creative juices in to gear.

As lovely as that sounds, it wreaks major havoc on my brain. I fall into a never-ending vortex of indecisiveness and "ooooh, what if". The best one I've had so far has to be "I should totally DIY the entire book. Forget a traditional publisher. I'll write, use cool recycled paper, and use some really cook Japanese book binding then put it on Etsy to sell!" I know, that's a GOOD one, right?! What am I thinking? I've thought about creating a a booklet of poems using the above overachieving method, but my first full book of prose? That s*** cray. 

So instead, I thought I'd share some of my FAVORITE Pinterest book binding finds. Y'all, the finished products are stunning!

Be on the lookout for a holiday giveaway. Also, if you geek out as much as I did, leave a comment below and let me know what you think!


Endless grace, 


Four Writers I Adore

I have always loved creative writing, but poetry is something I never thought I'd write. I don't even think I write poetry; it's more prose than anything else. Either way, I was use to having formulas and structure around my writing...until it no longer made sense.

Snippets of stories with deeper roots. That's what I wanted. 

I am easily overwhelmed by the number of writers in the world and sometimes ask, "why would anyone want to read my stuff?" And then I remember-no one has lived my story. The moments I share as the penholder come from feelings only I know. When I think of influential role models in the writing community, mine bring forth a very similar feel. 

Their words are shaped by their own truth. I gleam so much inspiration from their work and am a lot less insecure about my own form and style of writing. You may have heard of them all or none of them. Either way, I adore them and that is why I'm sharing. 

Nayirrah Waheed 


Rupi Kaur


endless grace, 

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sept .28: write a societal awareness statement

You have something to say about your country? This world?

What's your truth regarding the political climate? How do you really feel? Get in the trenches and talk with yourself about what's going on. Write your own societal awareness statement. You can share it or not. It's yours to come back to when you find yourself stuck in the shallow end of living. 


My Societal Awareness Statement

So done with the amount of bullshit people are focused on in this country, including myself.

Bigger houses, expensive clothing, working in places just because they pay well and you can buy more stuff! People think sending money is the answer or taking over neighborhoods will make it better.

What does it really take to improve the quality of life people experience?

Education? Healing wounds? Sustainable living? Healthcare that focuses on the cause? Conversations that remind us just how connected we all are.

I don't know...

But I gotta get in the trenches to find out. I'm over the mundane, same ol', same ol' bullshit. I'm done trying to fix broken systems. It's time to focus my energy on creating new ones.


Endless grace, 


sept.26: play a little

When was the last time you slid down a slide or danced without shame?

How in the hell did adulthood cause us to forget how beautiful play can be? 

Today, this evening, go outside or turn up the music. Prance around like the world is your oyster. 

Because even though you may have a few more gray hairs (in all their glory).

Or have told yourself "you can't do it like you use to", give it a try anyway. 

Chill the hell out. 

Go play a little. 

Endless grace, 


Sept 24 & 25: write a poem to yourself

What do you feel when you think about your own soul?

Take some time to write about you. Think about how connected or disconnected you are from your mind and body. Do you trust yourself. Are you afraid or safe in your own arms? 

I wrote this one to myself a few nights ago, and realized that over the last two years, I've become more aware of my essence- how my jaws clinch when I'm thinking really hard. How I rub my feet together to calm myself down right before I dose off to sleep. When I am reminded of a moment that brought me pure joy, I feel the energy pulse through my entire body, literally, like I'm right back in that moment. It's thrilling. 

"I Know You", my poem to myself. 



sept. 21 + 22: breathe deeply

These two days are for the breath.

Because that's where the work begins. 

And ends for some. 

Deep breath in. Take it all in, good shit and bullshit.

Exhale all the bullshit of the work week. 

Exhale all the bullshit of insecurity + control.

All the bullshit that has crowded your mind up to this point. Exhale that, too.

Be intentional about your thoughts as you breathe. 

Breathe with compassion for self and those around you.

Endless grace,


sept .20: Think About Happiness

What is it that genuinely makes you happy?

Conjure up some good, belly laugh-worthy moments and sit with them for a while. 

Is it a photograph of you and someone you love?

Maybe knowing all of your laundry is done. (I know, I talk about laundry more than necessary. Can you tell it's not my fave?). 

What about seeing your significant other do something so incredibly funny. Or that time you managed to cause the entire group of people you were with to almost pee their pants from laughing so hard. 

Maybe it was you laughing so hard at the other person. 

Maybe you're alone with your favorite book or creative project, enjoying the silence and feel of grass between your toes.

I can think of SO many moments that make bring me true happiness. 

Do it. Your body, soul, and mind will thank you for it. 

Endless grace, 


sept. 19: take a nap

Why didn't I listen to my teachers and take naps in kindergarten?

Y'all, I have been so tired.

We had a great weekend with friends in SoCal but back at work today. I thought I'd feel refreshed after our mini getaway, but nope! I got up this morning for work, groggy, whiny, and wishing I could just stay in bed. 

But I'm here in all my exhausted glory. 

I know it's more emotional than physical. My wife and I have a lot of changes happening at once, and even though they are all good, it's taking a toll on my ability to stay present and not feel wiped out. 

Naps are a quick way to give yourself mind and body a break. 15 minutes of darkness and deep breaths can reset your brain, making you ready to push through your next task. Several years ago, I experienced months of anxiety and panic attacks. They would happen at any time, and I'd find myself lost, not knowing how to stop it so I could get through whatever I was doing. If I were in a place where naps were possible (or I could get the heck out of dodge), I would do it. It was the only thing that broke the cycle for me, at least for that moment. 

Don't allow yourself to get to a place where you're desperate for rest. If you're reading this and you need a timeout, go take it. Close your eyes and drift for a good, solid 15-20 mins. Unfortunately, I am not in a place where that is possible, but dang it, I can encourage others to do so. 

If need be, take a nap. 

Endless grace, 


sept .15: unplug

today is really for the next few days for me. My wife and I are visiting friends this weekend, so I'm being present with them. 

This morning I forgot about my phone, and I loved it. So I'm hoping to forget it for the next 48 hours.  

Go unplug. Be present. See what happens. 

My view for the weekend. 




Endless grace, 


sept .14: release negative energy

skip a rock. 

throw a baseball.

have a paper ball fight.

jump in a puddle.

lift heavy shit at the gym and throw it on the ground. 

As big balls of feelings, we have a tendency to hold tension throughout our bodies. Even when we feel most relaxed, most of us subconsciously shrug our shoulders or tighten our jaws. Some of us find ourselves picking at hang nails (guilty) or pulling at our eyebrows (also guilty). 

stress and anxiety show up in a myriad of ways, so release some of that pressure and tension within by wearing out your muscles a bit. intentionally feel yourself

tensing + releasing.

Let me know what you end up doing (5 points if you skip rocks!). 

Endless grace,


sept. 12: let the hard times roll

I mean, I know what the original quote is, but I'm not feeling it at the moment. 

Crap happens. Crappy days occur. Shit sucks sometimes. 

What do you do when you feel so stuck? How do you let go during those moments of not being able to think through your situation any longer. All you want to do is crawl in a hold and sleep for a hot minute.

 I don't have an answer because right now, that is precisely where I am.

I'm feeling my way through, letting the hard times roll just like I do when the times are good. 

And who is to say this isn't a good time? HA! jk. I'm done masking my emotions. These moments pass, too. So I'm going to cartwheel on through it. 

How do you respond in hard times? Is there one aspect of the situation you can let roll? Anything you can do cartwheels through?

Endless grace,



sept .11: find time for stillness

Her feet can only bear the load for so long

before she enters into a state of desperation, of needing


Why can't she seek the quiet?

What about her wild

refuses to glide slowly as the sun and moon take turns playing

peek-a-boo through her eyes?

Can she feel that Stillness longs to be in her presence? 

Oh, she knows. She believes Time wants her to have nothing to do with Stillness, like a jealous partner in this life. 

Yet, they swirl together, creating patterns that smell of tranquility + awareness, like lavender.

It's up to her to meet them there. 

Make time for stillness today, this evening, in the early morning or when the moon comes out to play. 

Endless grace,






sept .10: put away the laundry

It's practical, and a responsibility we either despise, tolerate, or thoroughly enjoy (those of you in the last group are weirdos, but I ain't mad at cha). 

Do the damn laundry. If it's the only chore on the to-do list you complete, fine. I love the feeling of every shirt, pair of undies, socks, and denim put in its rightful place. 

In between the wash and dry cycle is where procrastination rears its ugly head, like a happy sloth. Push through. I literally had to say out loud, "I can't decide if I want to do laundry now or take a break (this is after swimming all afternoon). Nope, I'll do it later. Nope, I'm doing it right now." 

The wifey was stunned. :) 

Decide and do. Today is the laundry.  

Endless grace,  


Sept .09: experience discomfort

I did it! WTF, I did it! 

Three weeks ago, I signed up to run a 5k race...alone. This morning, I showed up without a gaggle of lesbo friends or queer woes with  #teamLWord t-shirts.  It was just me, my fanny pack, and Cardi B + Kendrick Lamar taking turns cheering me on through my earbuds. Don't laugh at my fanny pack; it's legit. 

As fun as this sounds. I started experiencing symptoms of anxiety on the BART ride over. It wasn't anything major but enough for me to feel uncomfortable. I took several deep breaths to slow my mind and heart rate. After a few seconds, I took mental notes of why this was happening.  

What if I don't show up on time. 

I don't know anyone there and no one will talk to me.  

I haven't run consistently in almost four weeks. What if I can't finish. I'll embarrass myself in front of all these people I don't know.  

I can't believe I did this to myself. I can just go home. ugh! 

And so one and so forth... 

until I made it to my destination. The smallest moments of being present and grateful erased all fear, expectations, and discomfort I was feeling. It looked like this:  

On the way over, I had the opportunity to share my legal apprenticeship journey with the Uber driver as he expressed interest in attending law school. He was thrilled and excited to research it more to ti decide if it would be a good law school experience for him. ***I never talk to my Uber drivers, FYI. 

 Where there is music, I will dance. The DJ had already started the party, so I walked up to a dance floor filled with turquoise t-shirt-wearing "Hella Gay 5K" runners, sprinkled with glitter + oh-so lovely energy. I couldn't help but smile + join the "warm-up". 


Running on pavement is very different from running on the treadmill. My pace was off but faster, so the .1 miles increased a lot quicker. At 1.5 mile, I felt amazing, I knew it wouldn't be so bad after all. The temperature was mid-60s, overcast and Lake Merritt was perfectly calm and serene as we made the loop around. How can you not be happy in the moment when this is your view?!


There were Jell-O shots at mile 1, made by one of the creators of the event! Stopped to enjoy one and took one "for the road".  


 I ran by one of my favorite spots along Lake Merritt, Lake Chalet. It's this wonderful waterfront restaurant where I attended networking meetings with my mentor the first year of my apprenticeship. I met some wonderful people who I hope to work with in some capacity and a few I have the honor of calling my friend.  

Did I already mention Cardi B and Kendrick Lamar ran with me? It was lit all the way around the damn lake, y'all! 

At the 2.9 mile mark, the event staff hooped and hollered as we finished the last .2! They greeted us with some sweet swag + champagne. The DJ never stopped playing, and a hella gay dance party ensued. 


 I had street tacos and treated myself to an awesome sports massage afterwards at a spa close by the lake.  

Magic. There was no time in the middle of all of that to focus on the discomfort I had originally experienced. All was well, and I conquered a social fear-something I never thought I'd do. Seriously.  


What does discomfit feel like + how do we feel through it? We just do it. Discomfort is yucky. It's like your ex calling and you begin to doubt yourself in every way. Choose to walk towards it, sit in it like you're taking a mud bath. Then allow every positive affirmation and present moment of gratitude to wash over you, rinsing you clean. 

Today empowered me. Like whoa. 


Have you ever been in a situation where you can feel the nervousness and anxiety seeping through your pores? 

Take a mud bath then rinse off.

Be kind to yourself.

Endless grace,



sept. 08: Acknowledge Your Own Humanity

We're in this together, whether we like it or not. 

Our differences are simply that-different.

Not worthy of rejection + gunfire. We have managed to polarize ourselves because of experiences, talents, fears.

Comparison. Expectations. 

Stop for a second and acknowledge your own humanity. 

You breathe air just like everyone around you.  

The solar eclipse is proof that on this earth, we see the same sky.  

Slow down + notice the irreplaceable speck of unique space you occupy.  

Then look around and see the same irreplaceable light in those around you. 

For a second.

Endless grace, 


sept .07: surrender one thought

This week I have struggled so much with letting shit go and keeping a clear mind.

If you're anything like me-a spaz who ends up in a vortex of unrealistic thinking but looks like she's calm as a cool breeze-you have to be extra, extra purposeful about what you think about, dwell on, and weigh as truth. 

I'm practicing this one with you today- hardcore. 

Pick one. Yes, just one of your thousands of those trinkets swirling up there. 

And surrender it. Find a word or phrase in you that means, "I am letting this go and if I have to say it out loud every time the thought passes by, I will. And I will replace it with one healthy thought. Finish. That's it. 

Surrender just one. 

I plan to do an Instagram Live on what happened when I did this with a few nights ago. And by night, I mean some time between 2 am-4 am.

Surrender one thought and be gentle with yourself in the process of experiencing the freedom. It may take time, and that's ok. 

Endless grace,


sept .06: describe home with your senses

Be present in your space you call home.

And if you are far away or just out of the house, close your eyes for a moment and visualize home with your senses. 

How does it feel?  

What smells does it have?   

Any sounds?  

How does it taste on your lips?  

What does it look like? 

                       Now wish it well.  

Endless grace,